How to Stop Nagging
(And What Men Find Attractive In Women)
When it comes to being together, many men will agree that nagging is the number one relationship murderer. And at the same time, no woman likes to be called a nag either. But yet, the nagging cycle keeps going on although both parties want to put an end to it. So how does one stop nagging and do it in a nicer way? Realizing that you’re doing it is the first step. Followed by, some suggestions and replacement behaviors that you need to clog your nagging in the bud.
- Use “carefrontation.” This is tactic which is the opposite of “confrontation” and is a term which is coined by Dr.Stratyner. He is a relationship expert sought by the Oprah Winfrey show. It is about reminding your partner that you still think of him as that, not as a person who can’t do anything right. When you approach it while anticipating an argument, that’s exactly what you are going to get.
- Tell him how you feel, not put the blame on him. Make a joke about it to soften the mood. “Honey, I fear for my life every time I go after you leave the toilet seat up.” Or “It really stresses me out when I have to cook for every single dinner after meetings that don’t end till six. Is there something we can do about it?” When people feel like they’re the bad person, they’re not going to look for ways to help or make it better. The only thing they’re going to look for is how to escape the situation.
- Remember that you are on the same team. He’s not leaving the toilet seat up because he’s on a personal mission to make you crazy. That’s just how it happens to be. Solving it in a way that demonstrates to him that you know you are in this together, and offering a compromise of your own, will cement the notion in his head way better than, “For God’s sake, the toilet seat? Again? What’s it going to take?”
- Give him a timeline, and propose a solution. Let’s say you’re nagging about the lawn. Let him know, as nice as possible, that Thursday would be a good day to do that. And also let him know why. It may be because you’ll be having people over the weekend. All you need to say is, “If you can’t do it this week, love, just let me know and I’ll call the landscaper to get it done on Friday.” You may well get the response, “Probably better if you do that, this week is insane.” Or, “No, it’s too expensive, don’t worry about it, I’ll get it done by tonight.” This way, you won’t have an argument about it, and you at the same time, you’re not going to spend the entire day stressing about it.
- Tell him you think it’s sexy when he does *insert chore or nagging item*, then follow through. If he knows he’s getting some just for leaving the toilet seat down for you, congrats! You’ve just reoriented your husband.
- Try understanding, instead of assuming. There’s always a particular reason for his behavior, same goes to you as well. If you appreciate the fact that he’s just too busy to mow the lawn, rather than assuming he’s just being lazy, the problem will get solved much faster.
- Let him understand as well. Women often make the mistake of thinking their partners are psychic mind readers. They cook every night though they are tired and frustrated about it, but never once took the time to sit down down and say, “Honey, I’m sorry but this just isn’t working for me.” He won’t sense it unless you tell him. As important as it is for you to understand him, it is also equally important vice versa. BUT, don’t assume that he understands you unless you know you’ve already told him.
The Bottom Line
Bottom line is, when it comes to trying to quit nagging, firstly is to understand that communication barriers is the key to it all. Improper communication with your partner will only lead to nagging. You have to remember that the both of you are on the same team, and that he is not your underling. Using words that brought the both of you together when you first started seeing each other, and going back into that channel of communication you were once so great at, is all that needs to be done to stop nagging for good.