Why do Men Pull Away?
(And Why Do Men Look At Other Women)
So why do men pull away? Almost every woman who has dated someone in the past half-century has experienced the, “Blowoff” — AKA the fade out or pulling-away — at some point. For a second, they’re on the best date of their lives. The next second, she’s waiting to hear from him for weeks and is thinking… What went wrong?
So why exactly do men do this? It’s common enough that dozens of books have been written about it. Oprah has done at least a dozen of shows about it. And many eelationship gurus have made their entire careers out of helping women understand this situation. Knowing why you’ve become the victim of this phenomenon will ensure that you will never get caught in that cool fade zone again.
- The chemistry, but it’s not the kind of chemistry you’re imagining. It’s very likely that the chemistry between you two couldn’t be better, but somehow he’s still fading out. His personal chemistry has everything to do with it, and the little chemical called oxytocin is to be blamed. Oxytocin is a hormone that fluctuates according to what is happening with our other hormones. When the levels of oxytocin in women increase, they feel a bond with the person they are with. Men may feel the same way as well, but they also feel others’. Their testosterone level decreases and they feel more stressed. Just when you thought things are going good, he started panicking and pulled away.
- He’s feels pressured. You’ve come to a point in your relationship where the both of you either need to move forward or stop moving. This freaks him out, even if he thinks you walk on water. You might be pressuring him a little bit too much. If you are, and he’s getting quiet, it is because he knows you need to move forward and he is having his own quiet little “freak-out” period.
- The Doubt Stage. John Gray, often known as the Mars and Venus guy due to one of his bestselling books Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus, says that this is an important stage ALL long-term relationships will experience. According to him, your guy is doubting, thinking twice and trying to figure it out himself. He’s juggling between taking the relationship to the next level, or losing his freedom. The best way to fight through this stage and come out WITH your man still in your arms is to let go of the high pressure talks, encourage him to have his own time and still at the same time, appreciate all of the good things of being with someone as awesome as you.
- He’s actually busy. This is where you have to ask yourself honestly, is he really fading out? Or is he just not answering your text messages in 30 minutes? Be realistic. He’s has to have a life, and if you don’t give him the opportunity to do so, you won’t keep him for long. Although, he really might just be busy. His grandmother is dying, so he needs to put in extra hours before he gets sacked from his day job. You get the picture. Again, forcing him to text you immediately is going to do more harm than good to you.
- You stopped being his biggest fan. Simply put it this way, men don’t stay where they’re not appreciated, they’ll marry the girl who they think is their number one fan. If they marry that girl and she then starts fading out, they will likely to have an affair with the girl who is their biggest fan. You too like being appreciated, right? So goes to him. Be his number one fan, 100% of the time, all the time, and he won’t want to lose you.
- There’s a third party. Unfortunately, it happens, but it probably happens because the woman he is with has stopped doing all of the above variables, and has forced him into going forward with her, without caring about his feelings at all. If he’s found someone else, it doesn’t really mean that all hope is lost. It just means that it’s going to take extra effort from your side. But if he has stopped all forms of contact, this may be one of the biggest reason why.
The Bottom Line
The bottom line to why do men pull away is that this is another one of those sticky situations where women hurt themselves more than they intend to, although their intentions are pure. They want to take things to the next level, he might even want that too, but they went about it the wrong way.
en a man feels pressured, it doesn’t matter what the situation is, he will resist. Allowing him to have the freedom he deserves, while still enjoying all of the benefits that come from being with you, will prevent him from fading out. Forcing the issue is only gonna raise his hormone levels to a place where he won’t know which way to go — except in the other direction.